Holiday co-parenting can feel like the hardest part of the year for separated and divorced parents in New Orleans and across Louisiana. The calendar fills up fast, from Thanksgiving to Christmas, Hanukkah, and New Year’s, and then straight into Mardi Gras season. Add family expectations, travel, and kids who notice everything, and it is easy to see why so many parents brace themselves. This guide offers practical, down-to-earth ideas to help the season go a little more smoothly for you and your children.
One quick note before we begin: this post is about the emotional and practical side of holiday co-parenting, not the legal side. Nothing here is legal advice. Your custody order or parenting plan is the document that governs your schedule, so check it carefully, and talk with your attorney about any legal questions or disagreements about what it means.
Why Holiday Co-Parenting Feels So Hard
Holidays are tied to memories, faith, food, and the way things “used to be,” so a family’s change in shape is often felt most sharply then. Parents may grieve the old traditions while also trying to build something new for their children.
Kids feel it too. A child may love seeing both sides of the family and still feel sad, worried, or guilty about leaving one parent behind. Holiday co-parenting asks everyone to hold mixed feelings at once, and that is a real emotional workload. Naming that out loud, even just to yourself, can lower the pressure.
In New Orleans, the season also runs longer than in many places. Once the New Year arrives, king cake and parade schedules are right around the corner. That means holiday co-parenting here is less a single weekend and more a stretch of several months that benefits from steady planning.
Start Holiday Co-Parenting Plans Early
The single most helpful step most families can take is to plan early. Ideally, look at the whole season in October or early November, before invitations and plane tickets start piling up. Early planning gives both parents time to think, ask questions, and avoid last-minute arguments in front of the kids.
Read Your Custody Order or Parenting Plan First
Before you suggest any changes, pull out your custody order or parenting plan and read the holiday section closely. Many plans spell out who has which holidays, how years alternate, and what times exchanges happen. Some are very detailed; others leave a lot open. If anything is unclear, ask your attorney rather than guessing or relying on what a friend did.
Following the order as written is usually the calmest starting point for holiday co-parenting. If both parents want to agree to something different this year, that is a conversation to have thoughtfully, and your attorney can tell you whether and how any change should be documented.
Build a Shared Holiday Co-Parenting Calendar
Once you know what the plan says, put the dates in one place. A shared calendar or co-parenting app can cut down on confusion and “you never told me” moments. Consider including:
- Exchange dates, times, and locations for each holiday
- School break start and end dates, including any days off around Mardi Gras
- Travel dates, flight times, and where the children will be staying
- Important family events, like a grandparent’s dinner or a religious service
- Kids’ performances, parties, and parade outings you both may want to know about
A clear calendar does not solve every disagreement, but it gives your holiday co-parenting a shared reference point that is not anyone’s memory or mood.
Communication Scripts for Holiday Co-Parenting
Many holiday conflicts are really about tone, timing, and old hurts. Keeping messages brief, neutral, and focused on the kids can take a lot of heat out of holiday co-parenting conversations.
Keep It Brief, Informative, and Neutral
A helpful rule of thumb is to write messages as if a calm, respected third party might read them. Stick to facts, avoid commentary on the past, and end with a clear question or next step. Here are a few sample scripts you can adapt:
- “Per our plan, the kids are with me for Thanksgiving this year. I’m thinking pickup at 10 a.m. Thursday at the usual spot. Does that work?”
- “My family is having dinner on the 23rd. Would you be open to swapping that evening for another night? No problem if not.”
- “I’d like to take the kids to my mom’s in Baton Rouge for Christmas Eve. I’ll send the address and our return time once I have them.”
Notice what these messages leave out: blame, sarcasm, and reminders of who was late last year. That restraint is not about letting anything slide. It is about protecting your kids from adult conflict and keeping holiday co-parenting workable.
What to Avoid in Messages
Avoid sending messages late at night or when upset. Skip all-caps, long paragraphs, and “you always” or “you never” statements. And please do not use the kids as messengers. Asking a child to pass along a schedule change puts them right in the middle of something that belongs to the adults.
If a message makes your heart race, give yourself some time before responding. A short “Got it, I’ll get back to you tomorrow” buys you time to answer from a calmer place. In holiday co-parenting, a slower reply is often a better one.
Exchanges and Logistics During the Season
A child at an exchange is often leaving one celebration for another. Smooth logistics leave more room for the emotional part.
- Agree on exact times and locations ahead of time, and confirm the day before.
- Pack favorite items, medications, chargers, and any gifts that need to travel.
- Keep exchanges short and warm; long goodbyes can make transitions harder.
- Plan for traffic, parade route closures, and holiday crowds around New Orleans.
- If exchanges tend to be tense, ask your attorney about options that fit your order.
During Mardi Gras in particular, road closures can turn a quick drive across town into a long one. Building in extra time is a small act of holiday co-parenting kindness for the other parent and for your kids, who will feel the difference between a rushed handoff and a relaxed one.
Travel and Holiday Co-Parenting
Travel adds another layer, whether you are driving to see relatives in Lafayette or flying out of state. Check your custody order or parenting plan for any travel-related provisions, and talk with your attorney if you are unsure what is required before taking the children somewhere.
On the practical side, share an itinerary well ahead of time, including where the kids will stay and how to reach them. Agree on a reasonable plan for phone or video calls with the other parent while you are away. Simple consistency, like a call at the same time each evening, can help children feel secure and help holiday co-parenting feel more cooperative.
Holiday Co-Parenting and Gifts Without Competition
Gift-giving can quietly become a contest between households, leaving a child feeling that love is measured in boxes.
If you can, coordinate on bigger gifts so you are not doubling up or undercutting each other’s limits. A simple approach to holiday co-parenting is to focus on time, attention, and traditions more than price tags. Helping your child make or pick out a small gift for the other parent can be a meaningful way to show that it is okay to love both of you.
Creating New Traditions
When the old traditions no longer fit, new ones can grow in their place. They do not need to be elaborate. In fact, small and repeatable often works best for holiday co-parenting, because kids can count on them year after year no matter how the calendar falls.
- Celebrate “your” Thanksgiving or Christmas on a different day, with the same love.
- Drive through holiday lights in City Park or around your neighborhood.
- Bake something together, or pick a new family recipe to try each year.
- Light Hanukkah candles over video call on nights the kids are at the other home.
- Choose a favorite parade spot or make a king cake tradition your own.
New traditions send an important message: your family is different now, but it is still a family. Holiday co-parenting can include joy, not just logistics.
Helping Kids With Big Feelings and Loyalty Binds
Children of separated parents often experience what is called a loyalty bind. They may worry that having fun at one parent’s house will hurt the other parent’s feelings. They might hide excitement, act out, or seem withdrawn around transitions. This is a common part of holiday co-parenting, and it is something parents can gently ease.
What to Say
Kids benefit from clear permission to love both parents and enjoy both homes. A few phrases that may help:
- “It’s okay to have a great time at Dad’s. I want you to enjoy it.”
- “I’ll miss you, and I’ll be okay. I can’t wait to hear about it.”
- “You can feel happy and sad at the same time. Both make sense.”
- “You don’t have to choose. You get to love all of us.”
What to Avoid
Try not to ask children to report on the other household, carry messages, or comfort you about being alone. Avoid criticizing the other parent or their family where kids can hear, including in side conversations with relatives. Even subtle sighs or comments can register with children. Protecting kids from adult conflict is one of the most loving parts of holiday co-parenting.
Teenagers may have their own opinions about where they want to spend time, and they deserve to be heard. Listening respectfully does not mean handing over every decision. If a teen is struggling, counseling for teens can give them a private space to sort through their feelings.
Your First Holiday Co-Parenting Season After Separation
The first season after a separation or divorce is often the toughest. Everything feels new, and many parents are still grieving.
Go easy on yourself this year. You do not have to recreate every past tradition or invent a perfect new one. Choose a few meaningful moments and let the rest be good enough. Tell your children, in age-appropriate terms, what the plan is so they know what to expect. For the first round of holiday co-parenting, simple and predictable is a worthy goal.
It can also help to prepare extended family. Let relatives know the schedule ahead of time and ask them to avoid negative talk about the other parent around the kids. If you are working through the emotional side of the split, divorce counseling can offer support as you adjust.
Self-Care When You Are Alone on a Holiday
Waking up to a quiet house on Christmas morning or Thanksgiving Day can be painful. Many parents describe it as one of the loneliest parts of holiday co-parenting. Planning for that day, rather than hoping it will not hurt, can make a real difference.
- Make plans ahead of time with friends, family, or a community gathering.
- Volunteer, take a long walk along the river, or spend time outdoors.
- Schedule a phone call with someone who makes you laugh.
- Allow yourself to feel sad without judging it, and do something kind for yourself.
- Celebrate with your kids on another day so the holiday still feels shared.
Grief often shows up during holiday co-parenting, even when a separation was the right choice. If sadness, anxiety, or loneliness feels heavier than usual or lingers into the new year, talking with a counselor can help. Taking care of yourself is not selfish; it is part of being steady for your kids.
Holiday Co-Parenting in Blended Families
When stepparents, new partners, and stepsiblings enter the picture, the holiday puzzle gets more pieces. Blended families may be balancing several custody schedules, more than one set of grandparents, and different traditions all at once.
Children often need time before they feel comfortable celebrating with a new partner or stepfamily. Let relationships grow at their own pace, and avoid pushing kids to call anyone “Mom” or “Dad” before they are ready. Generally, it works best for the biological parents to handle the main holiday co-parenting communication, with new partners playing a supportive role.
When to Get Extra Help
Some families find that conflict keeps repeating, communication keeps breaking down, or the kids are clearly struggling. Reaching out for support is not a sign of failure. It is a way to protect your children and your own well-being.
Co-Parenting Support and Parenting Coordination
If you and the other parent want to cooperate but keep getting stuck, structured support can help. Co-parenting support in New Orleans focuses on communication, problem-solving, and reducing conflict around the children. For some families, parenting coordination may also be an option. Talk with your attorney about whether that fits your situation and your custody order.
Family Therapy
Family therapy in New Orleans can give parents and children a guided space to talk about changes, feelings, and new routines. Nicole draws on family-systems thinking, CBT, mindfulness, and Interpersonal Therapy, and works with clients ages 12 and up for individual work.
Reunification Therapy When Contact Has Broken Down
Sometimes a child and parent have become distant or stopped seeing each other altogether. In those situations, reunification therapy may help rebuild contact gradually and safely. It is a careful process, and a holiday is usually not the moment to force a reunion.
One professional note worth knowing: the same clinician generally should not serve as both custody evaluator and therapist for the same family. If you are involved in a custody evaluation, ask questions about roles up front.
For general background on how divorce and custody affect children and families, the American Psychological Association offers resources on divorce and child custody.
If You or Your Child Is in Crisis
Therapy is not emergency care. If you, your child, or anyone in your family is in crisis or thinking about suicide, call or text 988 to reach the 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline. If someone is in immediate danger, call 911.
Frequently Asked Questions About Holiday Co-Parenting
How early should we start planning holiday co-parenting?
Start planning holiday co-parenting in October or early November if you can. That gives both parents time to review the custody order or parenting plan, compare calendars, and handle travel questions before the rush. In New Orleans, it also helps to think ahead to Mardi Gras season, since parade schedules and school breaks arrive quickly after New Year’s.
What if my co-parent and I disagree about the holiday schedule?
Start with what your custody order or parenting plan says, and keep messages brief and neutral. If you still disagree, talk with your attorney about the legal side rather than arguing in front of the kids. Co-parenting support can help with communication, but it does not replace legal guidance about what your order requires.
How can I help my child enjoy holidays at both homes?
Give your child clear permission to love both parents and enjoy both homes. Say things like “I want you to have fun,” avoid asking them to report back, and keep goodbyes warm and short. Good holiday co-parenting also means protecting kids from adult conflict, so save disagreements for private conversations between the adults.
What should I do if I’m alone on a holiday?
Make a plan for the day ahead of time instead of hoping it will feel fine. Spend time with friends or family, volunteer, get outside, or schedule calls with people you care about. Celebrating with your kids on another day can also help. If loneliness or sadness feels heavy, talking with a counselor may help.
Can therapy help with holiday co-parenting conflict?
Yes, therapy and co-parenting support can help many families communicate more calmly and focus on the children’s needs. Support may include co-parenting work, family therapy, or reunification therapy when contact has broken down. Therapy cannot promise a specific outcome, and it is not a substitute for legal advice about your custody order.
Do you offer sessions outside New Orleans?
Yes. In addition to the office in the Lower Garden District area of New Orleans, Nicole serves Metairie and the greater New Orleans area, and offers telehealth anywhere in Louisiana. Sessions are about 50 minutes, the fee is $100 per session, and a free consultation is available to see whether it is a good fit.
Get Holiday Co-Parenting Support in New Orleans
You do not have to figure out holiday co-parenting alone. Whether this is your first season after separation or you are tired of the same arguments every December, support can help you plan, communicate, and care for your kids and yourself. Nicole Freire offers co-parenting support, family therapy, and reunification therapy from her office at 1110 Erato Street in New Orleans, with telehealth available across Louisiana.
Sessions are $100 and last about 50 minutes, and a free consultation is available. Insurance is not billed directly; any reimbursement claims are handled through the site location. Office hours are Monday and Wednesday 9–6, Tuesday and Thursday 10–6, and Friday 10–4. Call or text (504) 321-3499 or reach out to schedule a free consultation and start building a calmer holiday co-parenting plan for your family.
Nicole Freire, MA, PLPC is a Provisionally Licensed Professional Counselor practicing under clinical supervision.
